Body Language Part 4

Written by Yinka Bakare

-How to find a partner..Personal attraction

We all at times wonder if we are putting out the right kind of signal when we are in the dating game. Nonverbal behaviour can turn people off or on and can be used to make us appear more attractive and help with starting and maintaining relationships with the opposite sex. It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but there’s a few things that we can do to influence what the eye sees in the first place.

As they say knowledge is power, one reason that those whom are perceived by others as being attractive are also credited with having other positive attributes. Many studies have shown that they are more likely to be regarded as being talented, warm and responsive, kind, sensitive, interesting, poised, sociable and outgoing. This may I add could be from learnt behaviour. When compared with to called unattractive people they are seen as having higher occupational status, as being maritally competent as more intelligent and even being happier. This however may well not be the case for all attractive people and is clearly open to doubt but if they are perceived as having them this will tend to encourage their development anyway, truth is not always reality. The way us humans behave at times is a little strange. If they think it is true then for all practical purposes it is true.. so what is it that we are looking for? Who or what do we find attractive? Many of the studies carried out seem to suggest that man look for those characteristics in women which differentiate them from men, fuller lips narrowed eyebrows, softer complexion, absence of facial hair, firm breasts, snatched waist, relatively broad hips, longer legs and a good sized firm buttocks  are all usually regarded as attractive.

It is not quite as easy to identify what it is that women find attractive in men. Men imagine that they look for tallness, a muscular upper body and a large penis.

At least one found, however woman are more interested in a mans eyes, whether or not he was slim and whether he had a small sexy buttocks. A number of studies have found that woman are much more interested in a mans personality, dependability and general character. In reality personal attraction does not depend simply on appearance and physique. Every aspect of body language has a factor and we often overlook a less than perfect face or figure. When say pupil dilation is high with plenty of eye contact, facial expressions and gestures are expressive or even if we like the sound of someone’s voice. Some of this is done with conscious thought but 80% is with the unconscious mind consists of the processes in the mind which occur automatically and are not available to introspection and include thought processes, memories,interests and motivations.

Boy meets girl

Let us visualise a first encounter between a young man and woman in a pub or night club and see what body language they might use to initiate transactions and begin to get to know each other, we shall call the young man David.

David enters and lauded just inside the door looking around. His thumbs are hitched into the waist if this jeans and his hands are hanging loose even so they seem to be pointing towards his crutch though not in an obvious was, unconsciously he is already indicating to all the woman present he is looking for a partner.  If his stance is too overtly sexual he will be seen as regarding himself as ‘gods gift’ to women. Mind you some women do admire this too. David is already in danger of coming to strong and turning some women off. As his eyes become accustomed to the rather dim lighting he spies an empty table and makes for it. He sits down crosses one leg loosely over the other so that an ankle rests upon his knee orders a drink and continues to look around. He doesn’t realise it yet but he is already being watched and every move he makes is telling the watchers something about him. At a table beside the small area set aside for dancing is a group of young women having a conversation. They appear to be wrapped up in each other’s conversations, but in reality they are barely listening to each other as they talk, glancing towards the men around the room. They are placing out the ones they will respond to if asked to dance. One of them, Rosa, 20 years old fashionably dressed and dark haired is already interested in David and keeps glancing in his direction. David catches one of these glances and continues to look at here whilst she looks away, he likes what he sees but what should he do?

The moment comes when their eyes are almost locked together he wants to look away as does Rosa, if the mutual gaze continues too long without a development one of them will have to break off the gaze and look away. This will cause the one who does so some embarrassment and may therefore set in train a negative reaction which will make subsequent communication more difficult. Before that can happen he smiles, A slight warm friendly smile. Rosa smiles back. He nods barely perceptibly towards the dance floor whilst Rosa nods in agreement. She is tingling with a sensation of pleasurable anticipation. David gets up and goes over to her and asks her to dance and they go onto the dance floor, with hardly a word before success was assured he had surmounted the biggest barrier in human communication the invitation to interact in the initial encounter. If his initial attraction to her and hers to him is maintained once they are close enough to find out if the other is taller or shorter than desired ie had an unacceptable accent/voice quality the will be sizing each other up on a number of characteristics. They will be making unconscious judgments without knowing it at all, on whether the other gives the amount of eye contact desired, if he now keeps glancing too obviously at other women it will put Rosa off, on facial expressions if he doesn’t smile she may interpret it as loss of interest, body posture, if she keeps stroking her hair he may see her as vain. If they go on liking what they see the moment will come when Rosa will abandon her friends and sit with David between dancing periods. Their relationship will have progressed a stage.

If he looks into her eyes he may notice that the pupil are dilated and if he is general assessment of her indicates this as a sigh if deeper interest. All of these shows their bodies face spoken volumes.

Occasional grooming gestures and clothes straightening especially pulling down a sweater slightly so that it is emphasises the breasts can be other signals if interest and even be ready for sexual activity all of this is taking place on an unconscious level also remembering that David and Rosa still have not yet the opportunity to talk to each other in any detail as the music is too loud for this, yet their bodies are again speaking volumes.

Eye contact between lovers and friends has an even greater importance than it had, when we are at work or during our everyday encounters. As greater looking often leads to greater liking, the duration of mutual gaze will be extended.

Positive facial are what we tend to do when we are in the company of people what we feel close too, and what are friends and lovers for us you cannot simply relax and show them how you are really feeling?

Close friends and lovers will suspect something is wrong if greater proximity is not being permitted. Something is a miss if greater proximity is not permitted.

Bodily contact could be more frequent and in the case of lovers if this is not frequent and extensive it will be inferred that all is not as well as it should be.

I hope you have found this interesting and useful, please share with a friend.

Keep a look out on our website for downloads showing all you need to know on how to find love on dating online sites.

Until next time...

Stay safe.

JULY 25, 2018